I recently spoke with the Inspector of Traffic Police for Chennai and asked him what advice he would give foreigners who want to drive in India.

He said, “Don’t do it.”

Still, there will be some of us sick souls who insist on our freedom and are willing to put our lives and sanity at risk.

But before you get into the wrong side of the car, realize you are in the passenger’s seat, get out, and get behind the driving wheel, you must acknowledge these three things:

1. Driving in India will definitely increase the frequency of culture attacks you will experience
2. Driving in India will increase the likelihood that you will kill someone or something (intentionally or unintentionally)
3. You must completely forget everything you know about driving.

Driving in India is a lesson in anarchy. But if anarchy is like Indian roads, then it is not so bad once you get used to it.

Lucky for you, I found a great *old Indian driving manual at the RTO. I’ve posted some excerpts you might find helpful.

 

General Driving Guidelines:

When driving, you should assume at all times that everyone around you is suffering from a severe mental disease that makes them either suicidal or homicidal. 

For example, when you are driving down a road in very fast traffic and notice a car waiting to merge, it is best to assume this deranged driver will plan on pulling out in front of you, slowing to a stop, and then making an illegal U-turn. Once this assumption becomes common for you, you will find driving much more pleasurable.

As a driver, your only obligation is to concern yourself with what is ahead of you. Do not refer to the side nor rearview mirrors. Keep moving forward at all costs, and do not stop for any reason whatsoever.

 

Regarding Right of Way:

In every conceivable traffic situation, you always have the right of way. If you decide to ever relinquish this God-given right, these are the acceptable parties you can give it to:

-Vehicles larger than you
-City buses and water tankers whose drivers enjoy immunity in all situations
-Cows

If there is a conflict on who has the right of way, the party with the least to lose will be granted the right of way (i.e. those with no concern for human life, those who are only hired drivers, those who already have scratches on their car, those who are very late for something very important).

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