Stop Using This Obsolete Excuse for Your Communication Breakdowns

It’s the easy, cop-out answer. In a communication breakdown, some people ask the question, “What else was I supposed to do/say?”

• He really demoralized our team; how else was I supposed to respond to that email?
• They haven’t kept a promise for our entire relationship; what else was I supposed to do when she said “definitely”?
• He was acting like a complete jerk; what else was I supposed to do when he called me out in the meeting?

The question “what else was I supposed to do?” reveals two things about you. One is that you justify your actions based on the context and not the relationship. Two is that you have a very narrow Communication Comfort Zone.

As the international business world expands and becomes less western-dominated, the question “What else was I supposed to do?” will not be accepted as a valid justification for your actions. People with very wide Comfort Zones know there is always another option. They see multiple avenues when others have blinders on and only see their usual practices.

To help you expand your Communication Comfort Zone and keep you from becoming an obsolete communicator, here are three scenarios (all set in India, but can be easily transferred elsewhere) where you can test your ability to come up with an approach that avoids the narrow “What else was I supposed to do?” A few things to remember before you start:

• These scenarios are not about a right and wrong way of doing things. They are meant to help you think outside of your regular zone.
• Oftentimes, the option you didn’t consider (or didn’t know how to verbalize) is a more indirect one. However, there may be times when you need to be more direct than you are comfortable with.
• To do your best, first figure out if you are justifying your response based on the context or the relationship, and then decide how to respond.

Scenario 1:

You are a freelancer who offers social media marketing services. You meet the Founder/CEO of a mid-sized company at a social party, who very excitedly passed you on to her marketing head. You got a small contract, did your work, and submitted an invoice, but you did not immediately hear back from the marketing head. You called after a week, and he said they were sorting through some budget issues on their end; he asked you to be patient and wait a week. Two more weeks went on without any response. You started to get very irritated and typed out an email to the marketing head, putting the CEO on cc. In the email, you wrote about how unprofessional they are acting and how shocked you are at the complete disregard for business ethics. Should you send the email?

Scenario 2:

You are working for large company in India. You have become friends with the manager of Employee Engagement in the HR department. You have lunch together and frequently discuss how people seem to find no meaning in the work they do and how sad it is to not enjoy coming to work everyday. He also shares with you about his passion for Indian spirituality, and you find it slightly interesting. One day, you walk in and find the entire office filled with posters of images and quotes from Hindu scriptures. Your friend comes by your desk, and says he is very excited about this new initiative. He thinks it will do a lot of good for the issues you have been discussing, and thanks you for your help. You think it is the definition of overkill and in-your-face spiritualism, and don’t think it fits in the office. How do you answer?

Scenario 3:

You have been calling an electrician to come to your home for the last 3 weeks. Every time you set a date and time, he does not show up. When you call, he says, “Definitely I’ll come tomorrow,” or gives some excuse for not coming. You are getting quite irritated, but don’t know how to handle the situation.

Photo Credit: Sutha Kamal on Flickr